Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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