Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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