think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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