I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
