sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
