if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
