Me too!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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