the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
