there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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