he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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