help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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