i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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