highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize