Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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