you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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