I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
