mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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