She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize