I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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