I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
