I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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