don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
