I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
