I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
