she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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