I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
