Soap is not a condiment
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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