i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
