Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
