Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
