tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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