I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
