I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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