I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
