Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
