I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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