New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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