Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
