I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
