Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
