I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
