Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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