what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
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Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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