craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
