Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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