Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
