For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
