Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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