they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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