I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Found your dick twin last night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize