We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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