so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
