Got a toothbrush?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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