so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
