I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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