I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
