I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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