I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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