i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
