There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
