i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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