I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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