i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
