Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
