I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
