My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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