Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
