Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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