'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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