Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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