If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
