Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
