i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it's like iHOP with fire
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
