is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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