sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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