you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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