Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
