I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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