did you get engaged???
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
