You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
