I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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