she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
