Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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