about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
