I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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