I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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